something out of nothing

i had a dream where i kept hearing this same phrase over and over again: "you can always make something out of nothing." it got me thinking about every creation in the world. some people started out with barely anything, but went on to be one of the biggest things in the world. my all time favorite game growing up was little big planet. i had every game and played it for hours. i never got bored of it. there was always so many things to do, to see. to create. theres a lot of quotes that stuck out to me, but only one truly made me think. it was: "do not take lightly your hopes, your ideas, your fantasies. let them grow. nurture them. then, your wildest imaginings will soon trip the dream fantastic, soaring into the wonderplane and spreading into something altogether... magnificent. and perhaps youll see them again the next time you visit littlebigplanet." the world is too big for waiting around to do something. so why wait? go out. create. be something. do something. make something. everything starts out as an idea, but only you can make that idea a reality. so go. may your biggest and wildest dreams come true, and may you prove anyone who ever doubted you wrong. dont worry about the mistakes. worry about how you learn from them. there is always time. there will always be time. dreams were meant to become true. so go. live them. be something. be you.

- iz

serenity

 i hate it when im trying to play a game and my little brother comes running in begging me to get on the computer to play wizard101. i always tell him im busy but he never listens. he just nags and nags. its so annoying. but yesterday he didnt ask me anything. he never came into my room. i almost hoped he would come running in again to ask to play. i dont like the silence anymore. i know hes there. he just thinks ill get mad at him again. i feel bad. i know he just wants to play. he just wants to have fun. but i thought i needed to grow up faster. turns out growing up sucks. so why would i try to take childhood from him? today he asked me to take a break. i asked why. he said he knows i cant pretend anymore. i cant hide. i cant wait. i have to be brave. he held my hands and said he would still be here when i forget about him. i told him to never say something like that again. youre wrong. i will remember you. i wont let you go. not after what happened to us. not after all weve been through. tears prick the corners of my eyes. i dont want to forget you. i dont. i dont want to. i watch him disappear. im sorry. i love you. you can play whatever you want now.

- iz

you look so good in pink

 that night was the night i felt so real. the sparkles on your skin admittedly made me admire you all the more. i haven't seen you in makeup ever. but you look good in anything. the dress unfurling with every gust of the breeze. it's true. you do look like a princess. in every best way possible. it's so cheesy isn't it? just best friends. always best friends. and i'm ok with that. just best friends. i got so lucky with you. please don't ever leave me. we're two forms of stardust. i'm just a moon. you're a planet. hold my hand and never let go. this won't be the last. don't let it be the last. i love you.

- iz

the candy in the pantry is going stale

 every day, one day older. every day, closer to death. closer to supposed ascendance. closer to a supposed god. closer to supposed peace. its all supposed. nothing is ever really known. or proven. we just guess. we guess life on mars exists. we guess we exist in one lifetime. im tired of guessing. when is the real? when is the definitely? when is the for sure? when are we so sure? earth is weird. i wanna lay down in the grass and wonder what it means to be. i crave to sit and hold your hand for just a few minutes. just to see what feeling is like. just to see what humanism is like. i could be anything but a human. we never know. i dont think we ever will. life isnt so boring after all. i wonder what the aliens think of us. if theyre out there. too many ifs. not enough yes. im going back to bed. dreamland is less complicated. maybe youll come with me. bring your soul. not your body. im tired of being physical. i want to be. si jeunesse savait, si vieillesse pouvait. 

- iz

clip the cherubs wings, for he has sinned

 i am no angel. i am no demon. i never fell from grace. but i never rose from hell. i dont know what i am. its getting harder to be someone. i cant find the light. its too dark now. can you find my hand? can you hold onto it? for just a little while longer? so i can maybe begin to feel the warmth of connection? trust? hope? its all doomed now. ill stay reaching for you. but youll never reach back. its even darker. im getting cold out here. where are you? its almost night time. im cold. im still reaching. im even colder. im reaching even harder. im frozen. im frigid. i cant feel the bones in my body. my heart beating. my lungs inflating and shriveling. i need to find heaven. please take me there. im cold. im cold. im cold.

- iz

the taste of the melody

 i love music. the exquisite feeling of the booming, crackling guitar piercing through my eardrums. the bashing, deep bang of the drums. the low, soft rumble of the bass. music is my IV fluid, keeping me alive until my heart monitor draws the final beep. the final beat of my heart. coursing alongside every red and white blood vessel in my veins. every member playing like their lives depend on it. performing a special concert inside my head. the vibrations from the speakers bouncing around inside my skull. music is my lifeline. without it i could never be me. i would never be here. music created me. music carefully crafted me from the day i was born. every radio. every speaker. blasting every possible genre. without it i cannot be. i am not me without it. i crave those delicious soundwaves. those divine vibrations. those lovely hums. i love music. and i forever will.

- iz

the kids aren't alright

 everything's tiring. i cant catch a break. seven hours a day, and for what? to rot away? to shove meaningless tech into my already flooded brain? some days are easier. most are not. things arent the same as it was then. i miss running around with them in the field. our imaginations full with the highest capacity of creativity and joy. not a care in the world for judgment. things were simpler then. i hate not being ten anymore. theres that kid still somewhere inside me. and he just wants to play with pokemon cards and draw. he doesnt know what the internet is. hes innocent. free. happy. but theres still something wrong. hes dying. and im desperately trying to keep him alive. i cant let the dark get to him again. i cant let him die. please stay with me. hold my hand. dont ever let go. not again. not ever. never.

- iz

bad dog

i hate how easy it is to fuck something up. i wish i knew how to be quiet. i wish you knew i dont know how to be. i like you because i talk to you. you only like me when im quiet. i am a dog, never leaving your side. whining and begging for attention. love. but i never get it. so i bite to get it. i'm not violent. i just want you to love me. i only want to be loved.

- iz

holding the past, savoring the present, & hoping for a future

 the scent of incense fills the room. my head pounds. but it's worth enduring a headache for. i want to bathe in the scent. to have that familiar smell. i want to be remembered by it. for someone to smell it and think of me. i want someone to carry that familiarity with me. i hate it. it makes my head hurt. but it's so comforting at the same time. peaceful. the smoke seeping from the end of the cone wraps around my shoulders. wrapping me in a comforting embrace. i feel safe. surely, someone must be thinking about me. someone. anyone.

- iz

on the way to fall out boy.

we're the therapists pumping through your speakers

delivering just what you need

we're well read and poised

we're the best boys

we're the chemists whove found the formula

to make your heart swell and burst

no matter what they say

dont believe a word.

thanks to these four weirdos for sticking around. ready for fun.

- iz