clip the cherubs wings, for he has sinned

 i am no angel. i am no demon. i never fell from grace. but i never rose from hell. i dont know what i am. its getting harder to be someone. i cant find the light. its too dark now. can you find my hand? can you hold onto it? for just a little while longer? so i can maybe begin to feel the warmth of connection? trust? hope? its all doomed now. ill stay reaching for you. but youll never reach back. its even darker. im getting cold out here. where are you? its almost night time. im cold. im still reaching. im even colder. im reaching even harder. im frozen. im frigid. i cant feel the bones in my body. my heart beating. my lungs inflating and shriveling. i need to find heaven. please take me there. im cold. im cold. im cold.

- iz

the taste of the melody

 i love music. the exquisite feeling of the booming, crackling guitar piercing through my eardrums. the bashing, deep bang of the drums. the low, soft rumble of the bass. music is my IV fluid, keeping me alive until my heart monitor draws the final beep. the final beat of my heart. coursing alongside every red and white blood vessel in my veins. every member playing like their lives depend on it. performing a special concert inside my head. the vibrations from the speakers bouncing around inside my skull. music is my lifeline. without it i could never be me. i would never be here. music created me. music carefully crafted me from the day i was born. every radio. every speaker. blasting every possible genre. without it i cannot be. i am not me without it. i crave those delicious soundwaves. those divine vibrations. those lovely hums. i love music. and i forever will.

- iz

the kids aren't alright

 everything's tiring. i cant catch a break. seven hours a day, and for what? to rot away? to shove meaningless tech into my already flooded brain? some days are easier. most are not. things arent the same as it was then. i miss running around with them in the field. our imaginations full with the highest capacity of creativity and joy. not a care in the world for judgment. things were simpler then. i hate not being ten anymore. theres that kid still somewhere inside me. and he just wants to play with pokemon cards and draw. he doesnt know what the internet is. hes innocent. free. happy. but theres still something wrong. hes dying. and im desperately trying to keep him alive. i cant let the dark get to him again. i cant let him die. please stay with me. hold my hand. dont ever let go. not again. not ever. never.

- iz

bad dog

i hate how easy it is to fuck something up. i wish i knew how to be quiet. i wish you knew i dont know how to be. i like you because i talk to you. you only like me when im quiet. i am a dog, never leaving your side. whining and begging for attention. love. but i never get it. so i bite to get it. i'm not violent. i just want you to love me. i only want to be loved.

- iz

holding the past, savoring the present, & hoping for a future

 the scent of incense fills the room. my head pounds. but it's worth enduring a headache for. i want to bathe in the scent. to have that familiar smell. i want to be remembered by it. for someone to smell it and think of me. i want someone to carry that familiarity with me. i hate it. it makes my head hurt. but it's so comforting at the same time. peaceful. the smoke seeping from the end of the cone wraps around my shoulders. wrapping me in a comforting embrace. i feel safe. surely, someone must be thinking about me. someone. anyone.

- iz

on the way to fall out boy.

we're the therapists pumping through your speakers

delivering just what you need

we're well read and poised

we're the best boys

we're the chemists whove found the formula

to make your heart swell and burst

no matter what they say

dont believe a word.

thanks to these four weirdos for sticking around. ready for fun.

- iz